Like all emotions, anger is normal, healthy and helpful. Anger is a common response to perceived injustice, frustration or violation of personal boundaries. It can make you stand up for yourself or change situations that feel unfair. But intense anger can also cloud your judgement, leading to impulsive decisions or heated responses that you may regret later especially if you have anger management issues.
Anger or angry behaviour – especially chronic or intense – can affect relationships, work interactions and your mental and physical health. For example, research shows that frequent anger increases the risk of heart disease by 19% and stroke by 24% as these intense emotional states can raise blood pressure and release stress hormones like cortisol. In terms of mental health, research also shows that uncontrolled anger impacts other emotional states, with one survey finding that 60% of people who experience frequent anger report increased anxiety and depression symptoms. And of course, unchecked anger can strain relationships at home and elsewhere: 45% of respondents in a study on workplace conflicts said outbursts of anger negatively impacted team morale and productivity. Seeking professional help for anger management issues like CBT can help address and improve these issues.
The first step in managing anger is to identify your personal triggers. Triggers are specific events or situations that make you angry. Common triggers might be feeling ignored or disrespected, roadblocks in personal or professional goals or conflicts in close relationships. Knowing your triggers allows you to be more aware of the situations that make you angry and provides a foundation to manage those reactions better. If you know you have an anger problem, self reflection and seeking professional help is key to managing your emotions.
Anger triggers are different for each person based on past experiences, personality and cultural background. For example someone who values punctuality might get frustrated with delays while another person might be sensitive to criticism due to past experiences. Recognising and accepting your personal triggers allows you to approach anger from a place of self awareness and hopefully make those situations less overwhelming. Unresolved distress or stress can contribute to anger problems so it’s important to address those underlying issues.
Anger also has a physical component, the body reacts even before the mind has fully processed the situation. When you get angry the body’s stress response kicks in and releases adrenaline and cortisol. This can cause physical sensations like increased heart rate, tense muscles and flushed skin. Learning to recognize these early physical signs of anger is key to managing it. By noticing these signs you can learn to intervene and apply coping strategies early. Anger can also contribute to high blood pressure so managing anger is important for overall physical health.
Anger management includes a range of anger management skills and anger management techniques, from relaxation exercises to cognitive approaches. Here are several evidence based techniques for managing anger.
One of the simplest and most effective way to manage anger is to reduce the physiological response to it. When anger starts to build, slower, deeper breaths can counteract the body’s stress response and reduce the physical reactions. Another option is relaxation: 1) progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) where each muscle group is tensed and then released or 2) isometric relaxation (IR) where body areas are just relaxed (obviously more suitable for social settings). These two techniques can release physical tension that builds and will hopefully reduce the angry feeling. Not managing anger can have negative consequences for yourself and those around you.
Another way to calm the body is to use your mind to soothe yourself. Grounding techniques like focusing on physical sensations – like the texture of an object near you or the feeling of your feet on the ground – can bring you back to the present moment and break the anger cycle. Or visualisation exercises like picturing a calm place or a loved one can create emotional distance from anger triggers.
Cognitive restructuring is a technique where you identify and challenge unhelpful or exaggerated thoughts that fuel anger. Often anger is intensified by thoughts like “They’re doing this on purpose!” or “This always happens to me.” By identifying those thoughts and replacing them with more balanced ones – like “Maybe they didn’t realise how this would affect me” – you can reduce the intensity of your anger. In cognitive restructuring you will still have angry thoughts but you are also guiding your mind to think of other perspectives which can slow down the anger spiral.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is key to managing anger by changing unhelpful thoughts and behaviours and developing healthier responses to triggers.
Mindfulness practices encourage non-judgmental awareness of your thoughts and feelings which can be helpful for managing anger. When you feel angry take a moment to observe the emotion without acting on it can give you a “pause” before reacting. Another part of mindfulness is staying in the present moment. Anger gets intensified when you start to think about past moments when you felt angry or future times when you might feel angry also. For example when dealing with a friend or family member it can be overwhelming if you recall to yourself all the times they have made you feel angry or imagine future times they might do this. Although this information may be useful to reflect on at some point be aware of that and try to just stay with the current situation as it is. Also express anger in a controlled way to prevent it from leading to negative outcomes.
Effective communication can be a big part of anger management. Often anger arises from unmet needs or unresolved problems and learning to express those needs calmly can help you manage the situation. Being assertive is the most helpful way to express anger constructively. Assertive communication is clearly and respectfully expressing your feelings and needs without disregarding the other person’s feelings and needs. This is different from aggressive communication where the other person’s perspective is disregarded and will feel confrontational or attacking. It’s also different from passive communication where your own feelings/opinions are suppressed and avoided (often leading to unresolved anger that can build up over time) and can be quite unclear or confusing to the other person. Recognising anger warning signs is key to controlling anger.
One practical tool in assertive communication is the use of “I” statements such as saying “I feel frustrated when…” instead of “You always…” which can sound accusatory. “I” statements allow you to own your feelings without placing blame and keep the conversation calm and open to understanding. By using assertive communication and “I” statements you can express your anger but do so in a way that doesn’t disrespect others.
Sometimes the best way to manage anger is to remove yourself from the situation temporarily. Taking a “time-out” by stepping away from the situation allows emotions to cool down and you can respond constructively. There are 2 key components to this strategy though. Firstly when you take the time-out you need to actively work on calming your emotions. It’s not useful to remove yourself and then “stew” on the situation and intensify your anger. The second component of this strategy is to go back into the situation (if safe and appropriate) and continue the discussion. A time-out is not an avoidance strategy it’s designed to help you respond more effectively. Developing coping skills during this time can be crucial for managing anger constructively.
While these short-term strategies can be helpful in the moment managing anger can also involve a long-term commitment through anger management therapy.
A trained mental health professional can provide valuable assessments and effective strategies to help you regulate your emotions, improve your relationships and develop coping skills for managing anger.
Doing activities that promote relaxation or allow you to “let go” of built up emotion can help lower your baseline stress levels. This might mean doing relaxing activities like yoga or meditation or activities that provide another emotional outlet like exercise or a hobby. By regularly doing these activities people often find their overall emotional health improves and their general tolerance for frustration increases and they become less reactive to anger provoking situations. Therapy can also help you develop coping skills to recognise your anger responses and implement strategies to handle your emotions healthily.
Self-care is the foundation for managing anger over the long term as it builds emotional resilience and stability. Self-care for anger management includes activities that promote physical well-being such as regular exercise, enough sleep, blood sugar levels, medical conditions, chronic pain etc. These factors contribute to a more stable mood and greater ability to cope with daily stressors. And incorporating anger management therapy into your self-care can help you regulate your emotions, improve your relationships and develop coping skills for managing anger.
Sometimes unmanaged anger can be a symptom of unresolved issues such as unprocessed grief, past traumas or chronic stress. Working through these underlying issues with a psychologist can help you understand your triggers and emotional responses and reduce the intensity of your anger over time. Addressing problem anger through therapy and counselling including cognitive behavioural therapy, relaxation skills training and communication skills training is key to managing effectively.
Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can reduce anger as disappointment and unmet expectations often fuel frustration. People who find themselves angry frequently may benefit from looking at where their expectations are too high or too rigid. Developing a more flexible mindset can help you respond more balanced in challenging situations.
While anger is a normal emotion, frequent, intense or destructive anger may mean you need extra support. A psychologist can help you explore the cause of your anger and angry behaviour and help you develop strategies to manage it if it’s impacting you.
If you’re struggling with anger management and looking for a psychologist in Melbourne Cova Psychology can help. Our team of experienced psychologists specialise in anger management therapy and can help you develop coping skills and strategies to manage anger and its triggers. At Cova Psychology we know anger is a normal emotion and our goal is to equip you with the tools to express anger healthily and constructively. We use cognitive behavioural therapy and other evidence based approaches to help you achieve positive outcomes in your daily life. Contact Cova Psychology in Melbourne today to start managing your anger better and improve your mental health.
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