Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be a long and painful process. Whether you’ve experienced this in a romantic relationship, within your family, or in another setting, the psychological wounds can run deep. At Cova Psychology, our psychologists in Melbourne are experienced in helping people navigate this complex and often misunderstood form of emotional trauma.
Narcissistic abuse refers to a pattern of emotional manipulation and control used by someone with narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder. It often involves gaslighting, constant criticism, emotional invalidation, and efforts to erode your sense of self-worth. Unlike more visible forms of abuse, narcissistic abuse can be subtle and confusing, making it difficult for people to recognise what’s happening until significant damage has been done.
People who have experienced narcissistic abuse often describe feeling like they’ve lost themselves. They may doubt their own memories, feel anxious or hypervigilant, and struggle with guilt or shame. Over time, this can lead to symptoms of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress, and low self-esteem. For more on how trauma affects us, visit our article on psychological trauma and its impact.
The psychological impact of narcissistic abuse can be profound. Survivors may feel emotionally paralysed, unsure of who they are or what they want. They often blame themselves for the abuse, especially if the abuser told them they were “too sensitive,” “overreacting,” or “the problem.”
In many cases, survivors develop complex trauma responses. These may include:
Persistent self-doubt
Difficulty trusting others
Fear of conflict or rejection
Emotional numbness or dissociation
Hyperawareness of others’ moods
Cycles of unhealthy relationships
You don’t have to manage these experiences alone. Working with a psychologist can help you begin to understand what you’ve been through, rebuild your sense of self, and find a way forward. Our guide to understanding complex trauma explores these responses in more detail.
One of the hardest things about recovering from narcissistic abuse is that the healing process is rarely linear. You might feel strong one day and overwhelmed the next. Certain triggers—like a message from the abuser or a reminder of the past—can bring difficult feelings rushing back.
Therapy provides a consistent, non-judgemental space to process those feelings. With support, you can start to recognise the patterns of abuse, reframe your experiences, and reconnect with your needs and values. Over time, many people regain their confidence, rebuild healthy boundaries, and cultivate more compassionate relationships. It’s not always easy—some days will feel like steps backwards—but that’s part of the work.
There are several unique challenges that make recovery from narcissistic abuse especially complex:
1. The loss of clarity: Narcissistic abuse often includes gaslighting—a form of psychological manipulation that makes you question your memory, perception, and even sanity. This can make it difficult to trust yourself or believe in your own feelings.
2. Trauma bonding: These relationships can involve cycles of intense affection followed by cruelty or neglect. This pattern creates an addictive dynamic where survivors feel both deeply hurt and strongly attached to the abuser.
3. Isolation: Many survivors have been isolated from their support networks. The abuser may have undermined their friendships, family connections, or even their professional life.
4. Internalised blame: Survivors often carry the belief that they were at fault. This can delay help-seeking and add a layer of shame that makes healing even harder.
5. Fear of repeating patterns: Survivors sometimes fear they will end up in similar relationships again, or that they are somehow “broken” beyond repair. (They’re not.)
These challenges are real, but with the right support, they are also surmountable. You might also find our blog on trauma therapy services in Melbourne helpful when considering what kind of support may be right for you.
At Cova Psychology, our Melbourne-based psychologists understand the subtle and lasting impacts of narcissistic abuse. We use evidence-based therapies to help you process what you’ve been through and develop healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
Some of the approaches we use include:
Trauma-informed therapy: We create a space where your experience is validated, and safety is prioritised.
Schema Therapy: Helps identify and shift long-standing patterns developed in response to early or ongoing abuse.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing): Particularly helpful for people experiencing trauma symptoms linked to past events.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Focuses on challenging unhelpful thoughts and behaviours and building coping strategies.
Our team will work with you collaboratively to identify what you need at each stage of your recovery. You won’t be rushed or expected to “just move on.” We know that healing takes time and patience. If you’re unsure what kind of psychologist is best suited to this work, you might like our explainer on what a trauma therapist does.
A significant part of recovery involves reconnecting with yourself—your values, interests, and inner voice. Narcissistic abuse can blur these boundaries, leaving you unsure of where you end and the abuser begins.
In therapy, you can:
Learn to set and uphold healthy boundaries
Rebuild your self-esteem and self-trust
Develop tools to respond to triggers and stressors
Understand what healthy relationships look and feel like
Explore how your past experiences have shaped current patterns
Over time, these steps can help you feel more grounded, empowered, and able to make choices that serve your wellbeing.
Everyone’s journey is different, and not everyone who has experienced narcissistic abuse will feel the need for therapy. However, if you’re struggling to make sense of your experience, feeling stuck in patterns you cant shift, or having difficulty trusting others or yourself, therapy can offer a path forward.
Some people come to therapy months or years after the abuse has ended, while others seek help while still entangled in the relationship. There is no “right time” to begin—only the time that feels right for you. Learn more about the role of a psychologist in this process by reading what a clinical psychologist does.
At Cova Psychology, we believe that recovery from narcissistic abuse deserves thoughtful, compassionate, and skilled care. Our psychologists in Melbourne take a trauma-informed approach that recognises the complexity of your experience and supports your autonomy every step of the way.
We also know how important it is to feel safe with your therapist. That’s why we take time to understand what’s important to you, and we work collaboratively, rather than assuming what’s best. You are the expert in your own life, and our job is to support you in making sense of it.
If you’re reading this and recognising parts of your own experience, you’re not alone. Narcissistic abuse often thrives in silence, but healing begins with acknowledgment. It can feel overwhelming to reach out, especially if you’ve been told for a long time that your feelings don’t matter. But they do. And support is available.
Whether you’re looking to make sense of a past relationship or find stability in your present, our team at Cova Psychology is here to help. If something in this page resonates with you, even if you’re not 100% sure you need therapy, it’s okay to reach out and ask questions. We understand that taking the first step can be hard—and we’re here to meet you where you are.
Our experienced psychologists in Melbourne are ready to support your recovery from narcissistic abuse. You don’t have to do this alone. Contact Cova Psychology today to find the right therapist for you and take a step toward healing.
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Cova Psychology acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the land where our Melbourne CBD practice is located—the Wurundjeri Woi-wurrung and Bunurong/Boon Wurrung peoples of the Kulin Nation. We pay respect to their Elders, past and present, as well as the Elders of other Aboriginal communities in Melbourne and beyond.
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We would like to acknowledge the Traditional Owners of the land on which the practice is located. We pay our respects to their Elders, past and present, and the Aboriginal Elders of other communities who may be here today.
